The moments of our lives....

Sometimes I look around into nothing but darkness, the only sound being the struggles my shallow breathing and the quickening of my heartbeat. Alone. That's how I feel sometimes. Lonely? Sometimes.

I think there are times in all of our lives that we look around and see nothing. There's nobody to talk to, nobody who takes the time to listen and understand. Perhaps because we don't quite understand ourselves. Sometimes our feelings and emotions can get so complicated and tangled into one another that we don't know how to communicate our thoughts. At least, that's how it can be for me.

I understand how it feels to want to disappear from life for a while, I really do, but I also know that there ARE better days, and I know that sounds so cliche, lol. But what I mean is that we all have moments where we would rather not deal with our problems, where we wish we could just give up and let god deal with our mess. But there are also those moments that we wouldn't give up for the world. Maybe its graduation, or looking into the eyes of your child for the very first time, or even toe-curling, butt naked, tarzan sex, lol. It could be as simple as sharing a laugh with a friend, or a touching word from a stranger. Whatever it is...those are the moments we have to live for.

I'm not saying that things will get better for anyone, or even myself for that matter. I cant promise that...but there are going to be times when things will BE better. If that makes any sense.

Lets think a little deep for a second.

Now rewind.

...things may not GET better, but there are going to be times when they will BE better. That side-splitting laugh, that friendly smile, that helping hand from a person unknown, the satisfaction that comes after reading the greatest book. These are the moments you will be thankful that you didn't give up. These are the moment you will forget about that darkness and be grateful for what you do have.

They might last 5 mins, hell they may only last 5 seconds, but these moments...they'll happen, like streams of sunlight in a dark tunnel. They'll be there. We just have to make sure we're here to see them, because these are the moments of our lives that we cannot afford to miss.












*this started as a word of advice to an efriend who's been pm'ing me and is feeling like giving up. Of course, this is not the version I sent to her, this is extended for my blog. It's rough, and I'm not quite sure if it makes any sense because I'm sleepy, but I hope you were able to decipher the overall message :)

Thanks!

Artist Spotlight

Dondria Nicole aka Phatfffat.

I love this chick! She's already been featured in one of my blogs, and will definitely be in a few more lol. I've been religiously watching her youtube videos for the past couple of years and was cised when i found out that she was picked up on Jermaine Dupri's radar. Of course, she's been "in works" with soso def for what seems like the longest, but i have faith :).

She talks a lot in the beginning, but once she gets started...lol. Here are a few of her earlier videos:









and some of her pages:
youtube.com/phatfffat
Twitter.com/phatfffat
Myspace.com/dondrianicolemusic
live on tuesdays: blogtv

What do these say to you?

Pain?




Innocence?




Danger?



all images can be found here: http://www.aquilio.com.ar

Love Is...

Love is pain. Love is heartache. Love is...beautiful. Love is accepting for someone for who they are and seeing perfection in all of their faults. It's acknowledging that people make mistakes, that they disappoint, and that sometimes, despite their strength, they fall. Love is being there to pick them up instead of saying 'I told you so'. Love is worrying. Love is what makes me apologize when I fuck up. Love is what makes me accept your apology when you fuck up. Love is caring about someone more than you care about yourself. Love makes me do what's best for you, even when it hurts like hell. Love...real love cannot be broken. Not through time, distance, or death...

Love. Is. You.


Phatfffat singing C.Michele's Love is you...

Hiatus..

Perhaps?

A poem under construction...

I am a very private person (regardless of how it may seem lol), I keep myself guarded at all times. It seems like when I do let my guard down I get hurt, or abandoned. That's probably why I leave people before they leave me lol. Anyways...this is a start of something I'm in the process of writing. There's a lot more to it but I dont want to get too too personal in this blog lmao. So i'll save it for my other one. Just thought I'd make a post so ya'll would know I'm still breathing :)


The humming of electricity. The slamming of doors. The sterile hospital smell. Feet shuffling. A blur of white scrubs. Doctors moving quickly from one end of the corridor to the next. Women shouting...screaming in agony. Grasping the arms of loved ones, friends, family. Legs propped open. Pushing. Blood. Pain. Anticipation. Life.

....or perhaps the absence of it.

Cocaine. Heroin. Hennessey.
Growing belly. Morning sickness. Swollen Feet.
Quarter bags. Black and Milds. Swisher Sweets.
Eight Months. Premature. Struggling.

I wonder...did she even care as she carried me?

*snorts*

Laughing.My.Fucking.Ass.Off.

Spoken Word

*sigh*
We Made It: Sunni Patterson

one of my absolute favorites. love this shit.



Children of a Lesser God: Deb Young




P.O.W- Alicia Keys

I'm a prisoner
Of words unsaid
Just lonely feelings
Locked away in my head
I trap myself further
Every time I stay quiet
I should start to speak
But I stop and stay silent
And now I've made
My own hard bed
Inside a prison of words unsaid

I am a P.O.W.
Not a prisoner of war
A prisoner of words
Like a soldier
I'm a fighter
Yet only a puppet
Mostly I only say
What you wanna hear
Could you take it if I came clear?
Or would you rather see me
Stoned on a drug of complacency and compromise
M.I.A.
I guess that's what I am
Scraping this cold earth
For a piece of myself
For peace in myself

It'd be easier if you put me in jail
If you locked me away
I'd have someone to blame
But these bars of steel are of my making
They surround my mind
And have me shaking
My hands are cuffed behind my back
I'm a prisoner of the worst kind, in fact
A prisoner of compromise
A prisoner of compassion
A prisoner of kindness
A prisoner of expectation
A prisoner of my youth
Run too fast to be old
I've forgotten what I was told
Ain't I a sight to behold?

A prisoner of age dying to be young
To my head is my hand with a gun
And it's cold and it's hard
Cause there's nowhere to run
When you've caged yourself
By holding your tongue

I'm a prisoner
Of words unsaid
Just lonely feelings
Locked away in my head
It's like solitary confinement
Every time I stay quiet
I should start to speak
But I stop and stay silent
And now I've made
My own hard bed
Inside a prison of words unsaid

The goody-goody college girl :)

I used to tell myself that i would never do drugs. I was the goody goody in my family. The only kid out of five that my mother never had to worry about. By the time I was 14, my sisters had all started darting around the corner of the house to smoke weed, or drinking alcohol that my brother would steal from the gas station when my mother wasn't home. Which was often. She always had better things to do i guess. They got in a lot of trouble as kids...all of them had been drinking, had gotten caught having sex, were doing drugs, and had gotten arrested. All of them but me and my little sister.

But I tried my hardest not to get caught up in all of that. I was being lead by bad example on top of bad example, but I had motivation. My had mother overdosed and died when I was younger. Before she died, my father took a bullet for her during a bad drug deal...and he died as well. That was enough motivation for me to stay away from drugs....for a while.

When I turned 16 something changed. I dont remember what it was, but I felt like I wanted to try...just once. So I went over to my friend's house after work one night and they started me off slow. I dont remember too much from that night, just that some nigga was starting my off with shotguns. Then I put the blunt to my lips and sucked. Im almost 20 and it hasn't left them since :)

Of course they say that marijuana is the gateway drug...but i'll save that for another time, lol.

Anyways, after weed became my best friend, I ended up doing the same shit as the rest of my family lmao. I just got off to a slow start. I've been arrested (it was a bullshit charge), drugs, my friends call me an alcoholic (which i dont see but whatev), sex (ha, see my other blog adrunkenonenightstand.blogspot.com), etc. Butttt, I keep my shit on the low low. Im a very private person I dont feel the need to tell my family everything that I go through.

So as far as mother's concerned...I'm still the goody goody college girl who just has a few kinks to work out :)